As promised, here is the second part of the interview with Alli
O’Malley, the Executive Director of RESOLVE. She is a respected leader and
motivator and I appreciate her time.
Question: Do you fund the organization through donations? Events? What
can we do to help raise money and awareness for Safe Journey
Alli: RESOLVE is funded entirely through private sources; we receive
no state or federal funding. Money is raised through grants from private and
corporate foundations, through direct and third-party fundraising events,
service clubs, community initiatives, the faith community, and individual
To support Safe Journey or RESOLVE, donations can be
made through our website, www.resolve-roc.org, or mailed to PO Box 21, Fairport, NY 14450. People in the Greater Rochester United Way giving area can donate directly
through United Way payroll donations, by selecting donor #2326 or by making a
gift during the ROC the Day campaign, on 12/11/13. Organizations committed to
our mission are invited to hold fundraising events and activities on our behalf
and can contact our office to discuss ideas, 585.425.1580.
Do you use community education as part of your plan to stop domestic
Alli: Yes, community education is a priority for RESOLVE. Our efforts
engage women and men as allies and most programs are offered by co-leaders, a
female and male. Occasionally, gender-specific education is offered,
particularly when we are working to engage well intended men (aka those who do
not use abuse) to prevent violence against women.
What can ordinary people do to help the cause of stopping domestic
Alli: Get informed! Domestic violence is everyone’s problem and it is
so much more than bruises and broken bones. The latest statistics from the
Centers for Disease Control indicate that 1-in-3 women and 1-in-6 men will be
victims of domestic violence in their lifetime; and we know that these
staggering numbers fail to represent the number of cases that are never
reported. (Some estimates suggest that unreported cases represent as much as 70%
more.) Domestic violence happens in every neighborhood, to women of every race
and creed, regardless of education level or socioeconomic status.
Prevailing wisdom on domestic violence goes that domestic violence only happens in trailer parks and ghettos, to ignorant women who move from one partner to another and “bring it on themselves”. Very few people feel compassion for domestic violence victims; instead our society engages in overt victim-blaming, making the victim responsible for what they have experienced. Case in point, the most common question related to domestic violence is “Why doesn’t she just leave?”; the question alone blames the victim
for what is being done to her. Why is that we don’t routinely ask, “Why does he
think it’s ok to treat her that way?”; that question puts the emphasis where it belongs.
What can women do?
Alli: They can open their hearts to domestic violence victims in the
same way they do for women with breast cancer. We can meet our sisters with
compassion, we can believe them, and we can trust that they will find their way
if we support them. Supporting them does NOT mean telling them what to do, but
telling them they are loved, that they are safe with us, that they do not
deserve what’s being done to them and assuring them that when they are ready, we
will stand with them.
What can men do?
Alli: First of all, MOST MEN ARE GOOD GUYS. But not abusing the women
in their lives is not enough; we need them to do more. We need “good guys” to
listen to women’s stories with open hearts; to open their eyes to the frequency
of domestic violence and see it for what it is, a dynamic of power and control.
We need “good guys” to stand with us in bringing an end to the violence; to be
willing to call out other guys when they hear them express derogatory remarks
about the women in their lives, men can hold men accountable in a way women
cannot. We need men to take their own inventory, become aware of male privilege
and explore how it comes into play in their lives and relationships or
interactions with women (partners, sisters, mothers, friends, co-workers,
waitresses, bartenders, etc…). We need men as allies, not adversaries.
Thank you so much for your time, Alli! You are an inspiration! Your interview was encouraging and motivating. You gave us so much information and your point of asking “Why does he think it’s ok to treat her that way?” was gripping and puts the emphasis on where it should be: with the abuser.
We appreciate all of the great information you have provided and we
will continue to support RESOLVE.