Category: Domestic Violence Issues - Katelin Maloney

Domestic Violence: What is your story?

10/12/2014

Hello everyone!

This is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and there is an increased focus on the issues of domestic violence.

What is domestic violence? The Power and Control wheel on the left breaks down many different types of abuse.

Have you been a victim of any of these kinds of abuse? As you can see, abuse ranges from economic abuse to isolation. From emotional abuse to male privilege.

Have you ever had something thrown at you? Been belittled? Have been called names? All of this is abuse.

Who makes the decisions in the relationship? Is it only your partner? Has he ever threatened to commit suicide if you’ve said you’re leaving him? All of this is abuse.

Have you been slapped, hit, pushed, or punched? Have there been threats made about him taking away your children? This is abuse.

If you have been abused, talk about it. Go into counseling. Give yourself time to heal. If you are being abused right now, find a local domestic violence organization and seek help. Talk to someone. Use your heightened awareness to do what it takes to get safe and healthy.

We hear about the most extreme cases of domestic violence in the media, but every day people are experiencing abuse. We shouldn’t minimize any form of abuse. It is all damaging to the soul.

What is your story? You have a right to be heard. Your story matters.

If you’d like to share your story, please post a comment or email me at KatelinMaloney@yahoo.com.

Remember, if we can help just one woman, we’ve done our job.

Katelin Maloney

Betty Griffin House Annual Domestic Violence Awareness Luncheon

10/5/2014

Hello everyone!

Tuesday, September 30th, the Betty Griffin House Annual Domestic Violence Awareness Luncheon called “Runway for Safety” was held at Sawgrass Marriott Golf Resort & Spa. It featured lunch and a fashion show.

I was asked by Betty Griffin House to be the guest speaker. What an honor to represent such an impressive organization that helps both domestic violence and sexual assault victims. Betty Griffin House not only has a safety shelter, but also serves the community by offering free services such as: confidential counseling, legal advocacy, and a rape crisis unit.

I spoke to about 180 guests. Yes, 180 people!

I am a member of the Community Action Team (CAT) for Betty Griffin House and focused my speech on community awareness and education to prevent domestic violence. I also discussed the heartbreaking statistics of the prevalence of domestic violence in our country.

My upcoming book, Drowning, portrays an abusive relationship and the mental anguish the victim endures. Many people do not understand why a victim stays in an abusive relationship for as long as they do. During the speech, I discussed eight reasons why women stay, including the fear to leave because of additional violence. If are interested in reading the list of the eight reasons I blogged about, click here.

It is important to understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship in order to help prevent it in the future.

Remember if we can help just one woman, we’ve done our job!

Katelin Maloney

Domestic Violence Awareness Month--What can we do to make a difference?

9/28/2014

Hello Everyone!

In preparation for Domestic Violence Awareness Month starting Wednesday, October 1st, I’d like to share a few ideas with you on how you can get involved in the cause. It’s so important to talk about domestic violence and help reduce the stigma attached to the subject.

One in four women in the United States will become a victim of physical domestic violence in her lifetime. This precludes the number of unreported cases and also does not include other forms of abuse such as: verbal, emotional, sexual, spiritual, and financial.

What can we do to raise awareness? I have a few ideas:

Wear purple during the month of October and tell people why we are.

Familiarize ourselves with the domestic violence organization in our area and give that information to people in our life who may need it.

Celebrate and model healthy relationships.

Talk to our children and grandchildren about respecting themselves and others.

Go to a domestic violence rally in our area.

Talk to someone whom we suspect may be in a difficult relationship.

Familiarize ourselves with a safety plan in case someone needs our help.

Support our local domestic violence organization.

Volunteer.

Plan a fundraiser.

Any of these ideas will help raise awareness to this prevalent issue and help stop domestic violence in the future. It is important to continue to work throughout the year once November arrives.

Remember if we can help just one person, we’ve done our job!

Have a great week.

Katelin Maloney

Darkness brings light to victims of domestic violence

9/21/2014

Hello Everyone,

Over the past couple of weeks, instances of domestic violence by players in the NFL have been brought to light. Backlash from the public has been overwhelming and even team owners, coaches, and commentators have spoken out about domestic violence.

This increase in attention and awareness had caused the number of calls to the Domestic Violence Hotline to surge. (1-800-799-7233) Victims are coming forward to receive the help they desperately need.

This has encouraged more victims of domestic violence to gain courage and share their personal stories of domestic abuse. Several prominent women have come forward and told their story, such as Meredith Vieira and Robin Givens.

The #WHYISTAYED movement on twitter has given victims a platform to discuss the reasons why they stayed in an abusive relationship for as long as they did. People stay in abusive relationships for many complicated reasons. #WHYILEFT on twitter tells people how the victim left the relationship and why. Reading their stories helps to educate and understand the dynamics of abuse and its consequences.

All of this publicity has helped to raise awareness to the issues of domestic violence. People are being educated and the community is becoming more responsive.

Let’s continue the discussion. Remember, if we can help just one victim, we’ve done our job.

Katelin Maloney

8 Part Series on 'Why Women Stay'

Domestic Violence: What we can learn from the Ray Rice case

9/14/2014

Hello everyone,

The video of Ray Rice knocking out his then fiancée Janay Palmer has made the issue of domestic violence a heated topic of conversation. There was a public outcry when Ray Rice received a two game suspension from the NFL and again when the video of the incident was released. The Baltimore Ravens severed his contract and the NFL suspended him indefinitely upon viewing the video. This incident has captured the attention of the public, but how can we use this to reduce the number of victims in the future?

Ray Rice took a plea deal which consisted of probation and completion of an anger management program. Anger management programs are not as successful as batterer’s prevention programs. Batterer’s programs focus on stopping the pattern of abuse and try to find the root cause of why he abuses. ‘Batterer’s intervention programs address the concerns of intimate partner violence and attempt to end the cycle of violence, with an overall goal of victim safety.’(1) Is Ray Rice in the wrong program?

Abusers want to control and manipulative their intimate partner. Can they change their inbred nature? The basis of abuse comes from their values, opinions and lack of respect. How do we change people’s core values?

Let’s look at this from the victim’s point of view. Why doesn’t she just leave? The public has asked this question of Janay Palmer Rice. She married him after the incident. Isn’t she to blame?

This is classic victim-blaming. The crime was committed against her. The reasons why she’s staying are much more complex than why Ray Rice hit her. I summarized eight reasons why women stay in a series of recent blogs. See below for the link.

How can we prevent more victims of intimate partner abuse? I believe education and community awareness are two key components to prevention. We want to look at domestic violence on an individual basis. That way we can help each victim independently. Each victim experiences domestic violence differently and reacts according to her belief system.

Does a victim understand that domestic violence can be demonstrated in ways other than a slap or a punch? Does she know that jealously could lead to abuse? Does she know that if she is poked or pushed in an argument it is considered abuse? Has she been educated on the signs of abuse? Maybe she’s never witnessed a relationship that she can model for herself and doesn’t understand when someone crosses the line. Domestic violence organizations can educate her on the different types of abuse.

What if we can educate our younger children? Did you know the following statistic? ‘Approximately one in three adolescent girls in the United States is a victim of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner—a figure that far exceeds victimization rates for other types of violence affecting youth.’ (2 ) If we can reach young people and help them to understand what is acceptable in a relationship, then we can reduce the number of victims in the future.

Community Awareness is another area where we can focus on the individual. Do you know or suspect someone may be in an abusive relationship? Do you know how to help them? We need toe educate the community on the signs of domestic abuse. Friends and family can support her and help her to realize that she’s in an abusive relationship and guide her to an organization that will help her. The more aware we are about intimate partner abuse, the better we can support the victim.

Remember, if we can help just one victim, we’ve done our job!

Katelin Maloney

Click here for the 8 part series on why women stay and scroll down to read each reason.

1) Hubbard House is a certified domestic violence center serving victims in Duval and Baker counties in north Florida. http://jacksonville.com/interact/blog/inside_hubbard_house/2009-06-09/anger_management_versus_batterers_intervention

2) Davis, Antoinette, MPH. 2008. Interpersonal and Physical Dating Violence among Teens. The National Council on Crime and Delinquency Focus. Available at http://www.ocjs.ohio.gov/TDVMonth/Interpersonal_Teens.pdf

Male Victims of Domestic Violence

9/7/2014

Hello Everyone!

Today I’d like to talk about a topic that is not often discussed in our society: male victims of domestic violence. The statistics show that female victims make of the majority of domestic violence cases, but males can also fall victim to intimate partner violence.

Men experience abuse in ways similar to females. They can be victims of physical, mental, verbal, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse. Their children can also be used as leverage. In same-sex relationships the partner can threaten to give away the victim’s sexual identity. The perpetrator can control the victim in the same ways as a female victim is controlled.

Unfortunately, there is much less data on male victims of domestic violence than for female victims. However I found that ‘One out of fourteen men has been physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabitating partner, boyfriend/girlfriend or date at some point in their lives’.1 Also, 40% of gay and bisexual men will experience abuse at the hands of an intimate partner.2

What can we do to help? We can offer the same tools to a male victim as a female victim. We can listen, help him come up with a safety plan, and inform him of domestic violence resources in the area. Although this issue is less prevalent than domestic violence against women, it is still unacceptable and is a crime.

Any type of violence should not be accepted in our society today.

I hope you have a great week and remember if we can help just one victim, we’ve done our job!

Katelin Maloney

Thoennes, N., & Tjaden, P. (2000) Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women; Findings from the National

Violence Against Women Survey. National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Greenwod, G.L. (2002) “Battering and Victimization among a Probability Based Sample of Men who have Sex with Men.” American Journal of Public

Health, 92, 1964-1969.

Pets and Domestic Violence

8/24/2014

Hello everyone!

I hope you’re enjoying your summer.

This week I’d like to discuss the role pets play in domestic violence relationships. A pet is just like a member of the family and we want our pets to be well cared for and safe.

There are frightening statistics concerning pets and households that experience abuse. An abuser can harm the animal just like he harms the other members of the family. He can also threaten or harm the pet to coerce the victim to stay, for retaliation of leaving, and/or to remain silent about the abuse. The impact of the fear for harming the pet compels the victim to do what the abuser says. One study found that 87% of batterer-perpetrated incidents of pet abuse are committed in the presence of their partners for the purpose of revenge or control. 1

Many domestic violence shelters are not equipped to take in animals. Only 12% of domestic violence programs can provide shelter for pets and 24% provide referral services to local animal welfare organizations. 2 The number of shelters allowing pets is growing as this problem is being addressed. Up to 40% of domestic violence victims are unable to escape their abusers because they are concerned about what will happen to their pets when they leave. 3 This is a large number of victims that are left in dangerous relationships and many of these victims have children.

What can we do to help a victim with this problem? If she cannot take the pet into the shelter and won’t leave her abuser with the pet, we can reach out and help her. There are several options we can provide. We could take in the animal and provide temporary housing. Also, we could find a friend who would care for the pet. There are foster pet-parents available that will take in the pet so it is safe. We can help by calling animal shelters and getting information. We could talk to a kennel and see what they can do for a victim and, if needed, pay for some of the costs. It is so important to get the victim in a safe shelter and helping take care of the pet might be the catalyst for her to get help.

This topic is often overlooked when trying to understand why women stay. It’s a problem that needs to be addressed. Remember, if we can help just one victim, we’ve done our job.

Have a great week!

Katelin Maloney

Important Phone Numbers:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE

American Humane Association 303-792-9900

Quinlisk, J.A. (1999). Animal Abuse and Family Violence. In, Ascione, F.R. Arkow, P., eds,: Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, and Animal Abuse: Linking the Circles of Compassion for Prevention and Intervention. West Lafayette, IN: Purdue University Press, pp. 168-175.
NCADV National Directory of Domestic Violence Programs, 2004
Arkow, P. (1994). Animal abuse and Domestic Violence: Intake statistics tell a sad story. Latham Letter 15(2), 17.

Domestic Violence and Stalking

8/10/2014

Hello Everyone!

This week I’d like to discuss stalking and how it relates to domestic violence victims. Stalking is repeated unwanted attention. The stalker can either be an acquaintance, a former intimate partner, or a stranger. He or she repeatedly pursues the victim through many different means.

Stalking can include:

Following you,
showing up at your home or work uninvited,
sending texts, emails, or calling when you’ve told them to stop,
sending unwanted presents,
tracking you by some form of GPS or locating device,
damaging your belongings,
threatening you,
threatening to kidnap your children, and many other actions.

Stalking and domestic violence: When a former partner stalks it can be much more serious. 81% of women stalked by a current or former intimate partner are also physically assaulted by that partner. (1) Stalkers can make their behavior look justified. They know the patterns and behaviors of the victim. Also, when children are involved, the stalker has more access to their victim and stalking can intensify.

What should you do if you’re being stalked?

Write everything down in a log book. Keep track of all contact with the stalker, including saving text messages, emails, voice mails, unwanted presents, and anything else that can be used as evidence.

Change patterns and consider staying in someone else’s home where you can’t be located.

Contact the authorities and provide your log book.

Stalking is a crime and must be taken seriously. If you know of anyone who is experiencing this, please pass along the information. Remember, if we can help just one person, we’ve done our job.

Have a great week!

Katelin Maloney

Tjaden, Patricia & Thoennes, Nancy. (1998). “Stalking in America.” National Institute for Justice.

Gaslighting--What is it and what does it have to do with Domestic Violence?

8/3/2014

Hello everyone!

Have you heard of the term gaslighting? I’ve only recently become aware of the actual word; although I was aware that abusers use the technique frequently to gain control of their partners. Both men and women can use this damaging technique.

The word comes from the stage play Gas Light, in 1938, where the husband gradually turned down the lights and denied it, making the wife feel like she was losing touch with reality and was going crazy.

Gaslighting happens when the abuser repeatedly denies the truth and makes a concerted effort to have the victim doubt their observations and instincts. This makes victims doubt themselves which leads to uncertainty in all elements of their lives. It is a form of emotional abuse.

Examples are: “When did I say that? You must be making that up.” “That never happened.” “What are you talking about? It didn’t happen that way.” “You’re doing this on purpose. You’re trying to start an argument.”

There are several forms of gaslighting. They include:

Withholding—the abuser decides not to listen or doesn’t discuss his/her feelings.
Countering—the abuser tells the victim that their memory is warped and the event didn’t happen like that.
Blocking/Diverting—the abuser changes the conversation and controls the conversation.
Trivializing—the abuser makes the victim feel their opinions and needs aren’t important.
Forgetting/Denial—the abuser conveniently forgets conversations or promises made.

Most of the time the victim doesn’t recognize what is happening, but they can feel that something isn’t right. As gaslighting continues the victim begins to second guess everything they say, do, and believe and their self-esteem slowly crumbles. They wonder if they are too sensitive and start apologizing for things they think or say. This is exactly what the abuser wants to happen. It is a form of control and manipulation, though subtle and gradual. The victim becomes more vulnerable and insecure and is more likely to stay in the relationship.

It is important to understand this form of abuse in order to recognize and understand the consequences it has on the victim.

In my upcoming book, Drowning, the abuser, Mitch, uses gaslighting successfully on his wife, Rebecca. She starts to doubt herself, her memory, and becomes insecure and vulnerable.

I hope you’ve found this information helpful. Have a great week and remember if we can help just one person, we’ve done our job!

Katelin Maloney

Resources for Domestic Violence Victims on vacation

7/27/2014

Hello everyone!

This past week my husband and I were on vacation in the beautiful smoky mountains of Tennessee. The views were breathtaking and the cabin was beautiful. We had a blessed vacation.

I started thinking about victims of domestic violence and the isolation they may feel when on vacation. Domestic violence victims are at risk every day of the year, including holidays and vacations. What happens when violence strikes and a victim is away from her support system? Where can she go for help?

Help is available anywhere in the country and throughout the world. Both the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The National Domestic Violence Hotline websites have links to a state coalition list of organizations. Both websites are filled with information for an abused person, resources, information for family and friends, and much more.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-799-7233. Call for immediate help. Please get this information to your loved ones. It may save their life.

Remember if we can help just one victim, we’ve done our job. Have a happy week!

Katelin Maloney